Nellie, the Ship’s Cat

“Philosophy? Philosophy? I don’t even know what philosophy means. I don’t know anything about ships, I shouldn’t even be here. I’m supposed to be the ship’s cat but I don’t wanna be the ship’s cat, I wanna live in some nice place back in England, somewhere with a big hot fireside an’ soft fur rugs with food that doesn’t have things in it, someplace where I don’t have to always work this hard for my keep. That’s what I want, but nobody ever listens, no one even cares coz I’m only a little cat, I’m only a cuddly bundle of cute fur that hardly anyone cares about. If you’re a nice old lady reading this then PLEASE help meeeeow…” Nellie

Experience? I don’t have any experience. I’m supposed to be in charge of vermin an’ crap like that but all I want in life is to be loved an’ fussed, all the time if I can an’ to sleep when I want. Somewhere where the floor’s not heaving an’ moving all the time.

I don’t even like vermin, I don’t even know what vermin looks like coz I never found any. I know I hate cockroaches though coz I saw one when I was only a little kitten, the thought of those rats an’ mice makes me shiver, even though I don’t know what they look like. Every night I have to wake up to go to work searching for things I’m frightened of, other cats don’t have to do this, I bet my sisters who I saw a long time ago don’t have to do this.

Please help meeeow. Please write letters an’ emails an’ things, you could even start freedom campaigns an’ things like that. I’ll come an’ live with you, I’ll sleep on your knee all day an’ purrrrr whenever you stroke me, I’ll be your special cat who loves an’ adores you, there’s nothing I won’t do for you, all you have to do is get meeeow outta here…

Nellie, Mexico 2018


I Need a Good Lawyer – 4th August 2018

Batman Saved My Life – 12th July 2018

How To Smuggle Your Cat Into Mexico – 4th July 2018

Nellie The Ship’s Cat Inducted into Sänna’s Crew – 17th June 2018

Nellie The Ship’s Cat – 16th June 2018

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